You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
