i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You were trust falling into bushes
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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