I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Randomize
