I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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