I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
