And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
