both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
