I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just want nice things and good sex
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
