I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
