sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
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