What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You ruined the universe
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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