ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
