It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
