We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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