Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
