Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We don't watch enough power rangers
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
