You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
