dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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