im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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