Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
