Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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