bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
