you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT