it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.