just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.