is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
