I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
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I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
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just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.