i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?