All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
