If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
