you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
