My first STD was from a foam party
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
