its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
the room spins SO much faster in panama
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
