i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
