I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
