Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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