she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
