I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos