i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
