He uses pillows to masturbate.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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