Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
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He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
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By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.