i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
