i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Jerry, you need to find god
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
