Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
