my vag is so smooth its legendary
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
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I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
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I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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