Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
