I want to have your abortion
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
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the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
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Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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