he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
