I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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