I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
