Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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