I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
