u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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