Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize