don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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