Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
