I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize