It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
