I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
