just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
