He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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