So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm bleeding and have questions
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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