just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
