she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
