Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
