life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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