i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
