the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
