I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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