I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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