from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
