God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
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