i just wanna soil my oats bro
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
