So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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