P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
