what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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