My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
