alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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